


The Great Emu War of 1932

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Timeless Secret Santa, apologies to any Australian readers, garcy, minor violence against emus, riya - Freeform, why yes I did just google Austrailian slang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 06:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17156795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: The Mothership jumps to Western Australia, just in time for the start of the Great Emu War...It's unclear how they could possibly make things worse...





	The Great Emu War of 1932

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kay_Drew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kay_Drew/gifts).



> Merry Christmas!

‘Any idea why the Mothership jumped to November 2, 1932 Australia?’  Connor spun his chair around as the jump alarms faded and the various bunker denizens clustered around him, drawn from stringing lights on the tree Flynn, Rufus, and Jiya had bought back from some uninhabited 1500s Alaskan forest.  Denise hadn't _ quite _ pitched a fit when she found out what they'd done, but it’d been a near thing.

‘They’re jumping to Australia now?’  Wyatt leaned over to frown at the screen, as if the power of his glare alone would change the readout.  ‘And on Christmas Eve? Who said  _ that _ was okay?  ’Cause I sure didn’t.’

Flynn snorted.  ‘I’m sure Rittenhouse takes your feelings into account before making any decisions.’

Wyatt shot him an evil look, but before he could respond, Connor cleared his throat.  ‘Right, well, any ideas on what they’re after?  Lucy?’

She shrugged.  ‘Don’t look at me.  My focus is American history, remember?’

‘Yeah, but—’

_ ‘American. _  Not Australian.  Do you know how much obscure trivia there is in American history?  And that’s just a tiny sliver compared to the rest of the world.  I could tell you what happened in Topeka in 1932, but  _ excuuuse me _ for not having encyclopedic knowledge of All History, Ever.’

‘Out of curiosity, what  _ did _ happen in Topeka in 1932?’  Flynn looked like he was enjoying the conversation far too much.

‘In November?’  She lifted a shoulder.  ‘Not much.  FDR campaigned there, but that was in October.  November was a slow news month for them.  And Australia, as far as I know.’

‘Except for the Great Emu War.’  They all turned to stare at Rufus.  He blinked back.  ‘What? You’ve never heard of the Great Emu War?’

‘Wasn’t that a meme?’ asked Jiya.

‘Exactly!’  Rufus offered her a fistbump, shaking his head at the ignorance of everyone else in the bunker.  ‘Don’t you people ever go on Tumblr?!’

‘Would you care to tell the rest of the class, Rufus?’ Flynn asked mildly.

The pilot closed his eyes.  ‘Just a sec, I want to savour this moment.’  Cracking open one eye to squint at Lucy, he added, ‘Is this how you feel all the time?  Except, y’know, now.’

Lucy braced herself on the armrests of his chair and loomed over him.  ‘I would very much like to know what you know sometime before Rittenhouse changes reality as we know it.’

‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re scary when you’re angry?’

‘Rufus!’ 

‘Okay, okay!  Sheesh!’  He leaned back in his chair and cleared his throat.  ‘The Great Emu War.’

Flynn leaned over to Jiya.  ‘Does he have to say the Great Emu War every single time?’ he asked, not bothering to lower his voice.

‘The Great Emu War,’ Rufus repeated loudly.  ‘After World War 1, the Australian government gave land in Western Australia to a bunch of ex-soldiers to farm wheat.  There was a whole mess with the government promising subsidies and failing to deliver, because surprise!  Politicians don’t keep promises!  The farmers, grumpy Australian ex-soldiers that they were, threatened to hold the wheat hostage until they got their subsidies, which probably would have ended up being way more serious and depressing and definitely not meme-worthy.’

‘What does any of this have to do with emus?’ Wyatt asked.

Rufus flapped a hand at him.  ‘I’m getting there! So the emus, who up until this point have pretty much been minding their own business, start their yearly migration inland, decide all this cleared land with plenty of water makes excellent territory, and start eating the wheat crops and breaking holes in the fences and generally making nuisances of themselves.  The farmers ask the government for help, and they respond by sending soldiers and a couple of machine guns.  On November 2 they face off against about fifty emus in the town of Campion, which kicks off the war.  It was kind of a big deal; they even sent a cinematographer from Fox Movietone along to shoot some propaganda on it.

‘They shoot at emus on and off for the next six days, completely fail at driving them off, and generally end up looking dumb.  At one point they even try mounting a machine gun on the back of a truck—which, if you ask me, sounds like a Flynn kind of a plan—but one of the emus gets caught in the wheel and wrecks it.  Eventually the soldiers get recalled, sent back, and then recalled again. The farmers ask for assistance every few years after that, but the government decided to Darth Vader it and employed bounty hunters instead.’

There was a long silence when he finished.

Jiya leaned forward.  ‘Did you memorize the Emu War Wiki page?’

‘Maybe.’ 

‘So, how exactly is Rittenhouse going to use that for evil?’ Connor asked.

Rufus shrugged.  ‘Beats me.  The only casualties are a few hundred emus and the dignity of the Australian military.’

‘Well, that’s what you’ll find out when you get there.’  Denise rapped the desk.  ‘Wyatt, you’re still benched until your ribs heal.’

‘Okay.’

‘I don't want to hear it, Wyatt, you're in no shape to—what?’

Wyatt shrugged, wincing as the movement pulled at his ribs.  ‘I said okay.  I'm good to sit this one out.’

Flynn squinted at him.  ‘Are you sure you didn't hurt your head?  Last time Denise grounded you she had to duct tape you to a chair.’

‘No, really, I don't mind.  I…’  He muttered something under his breath.

‘Sorry, what was that?’

Wyatt glared at Flynn.  ‘I said I don't like birds, okay?’

Jiya blinked.  ‘You don't like _ birds? _  Who doesn't like birds?’

_ ‘I _ don't.  Look, I snuck into _ The Birds _ when I was a kid, and it was a traumatic experience.  It's a really disturbing movie, and I, for one, am perfectly happy to stay home and not mess with the giant murder birds.’

‘Okay then.’  Denise looked like she was sorry they’d asked.  Shaking her head, she added, ‘Jiya, you up for a trip to Australia?’

Jiya hopped to her feet.  ‘Absolutely!’ 

* * *

 

The streets of Campion were muddy from the rains of the last month.  After some debate while they stole clothes, they finally decided their best bet would be to find the soldiers and shadow the Emu-fighting activities.  Hopefully they’d get lucky and spot the Rittenhouse agent and/or Rittenhouse’s target.

The only problem was Rufus’ Wikipedic knowledge of the Emu War didn’t include where exactly the historic battle took place.  There weren’t exactly signs posted in town saying This Way to Emu War, either.  No one could agree if they should pick a direction, split up, or just wander around until they saw emus.

Finally Rufus threw up a hand.  'This isn’t working, guys.  Just wait here.  I’ll go ask that guy,’ he said, pointing to a man coming out of one of the  stores.

Jiya chewed her lip, glancing between the man and Rufus.  ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’

‘No, it’s okay, I got this.  I grew up watching Crocodile Hunter.  I speak fluent Australian.’

They watched him march up to the man.  Lucy shook her head. ‘This is going to end badly, isn’t it.’

‘Yes it is,’ Flynn grunted, already following him.

‘G’day, mate!’  Rufus started to clap the man on the arm, thought better of it halfway through the motion, and stuffed his hand into his pocket instead.  

Jiya covered her mouth with a hand.  ‘Oh no.’

‘I don’t want to be a yobbo, but me mob over there and I were doing a walkabout of your town, and we were wondering if you could point us in the direction of the rage with the diggers and emus.’

Jiya dropped her face into her hands.  ‘Rufus, sweetie, why.’

The man stared at him.  ‘Pardon?’

‘I can see you’re flat out like a lizard drinking, but it’d be a beaut if you’d give us the dob.’

The man took a menacing step forward.  ‘Are you trying to be funny?’

Rufus opened his mouth, but before he could stick his foot in it (again), Flynn came up beside him.  ‘Apologies for my friend Steve, here. He's been getting a little too acquainted with the local brew, if you know what I mean.’

Flynn was a good six inches taller than Rufus’ new friend, which was probably why the man suddenly seemed less inclined to punch Rufus in the face.  He didn't look any friendlier, though.  ‘And who are _ you?’ _

‘My name's Max Rockatansky, and this,’ he slung an arm around Rufus’ shoulder, ‘is Steve Irwin.  We're with Fox Movietone, here to film the soldiers as they clear out the emus.’

The man grunted, clearly unimpressed, but not quite willing to say so to Flynn's face.  ‘Shoulda just said so in the first place.  They're that way.’  He pointed in the opposite direction of the one they'd been headed.  Of course. 

Flynn touched the brim of his hat.  ‘Much obliged.  C'mon Steve,’ he added, tugging Rufus back to the street, ‘let's find those birds before the army shoots them all.’

‘Hey, Rockatansky!’  Flynn turned at the man's shout.  ‘Tell your friend if he tries something like that again he going to get a kick in the teeth.’

‘Believe me, he knows.’

‘Mad Max?’ Rufus muttered as they joined Jiya and Lucy.  ‘Wish I'd thought of that.’

‘It wouldn't have helped, Crocodile Hunter.’

He shrugged off Flynn's arm.  ‘Leave me alone.  We got the information we need, didn't we?’

‘Yeah, and you almost got shot again.  You really want to make a habit of that?’

‘In my defense, neither of the times I got shot were my fault, and one of them was definitely yours.  I don't think you've ever apologized for that, either, _ Max.’ _

Flynn sighed.  ‘You're right.’

‘Yeah, that's what I thought—what?’

‘Rufus, I'm sorry I set you up to get shot by Al Capone, and I promise it won't happen again.’  Holding out an arm to Lucy, he added, ‘Now, shall we find those emus?’

‘Did what I think happened just happen?’ Rufus asked Jiya, his voice faint.

‘Flynn apologizing for getting you shot?  Yeah.’  She tucked her arm through his and pulled him after Flynn and Lucy.  ‘You gonna be okay?’

‘I... I think so.’  He nodded slowly.  ‘It's a Christmas miracle.’  

They were starting to see soldiers and preparations for the upcoming battle when a shout made them jump.  ‘Miss Tagney!’  An angry sergeant marched up to a young woman at the centre of a cluster of children.  ‘I told you before, you can't be here!’

‘Nonsense, Sergeant Wilkes.’  She moved between him and the kids.  ‘We'll be gone before you begin your work.  It's important for my students to see their government in action.  Besides, we've been cooped up in our classroom for the last month, and is I make them go back now, I'll have a revolt on my hands.’  The students giggled at the idea of overthrowing their teacher, and she winked at them.

Wilkes scrubbed a hand over his face, leaving streaks of dirt behind.  ‘Fine.  Mind you keep well back from the guns.’

Miss Tagney sniffed.  ‘Obviously.’

‘Tagney, Tagney…’  Lucy frowned.  ‘Why is that name familiar…’  She snapped her fingers.  ‘Dorothy Tagney!  But she shouldn't be here, she should be in Perth.’

Rufus blinked.  ‘You don't know about the Emu War but you know about Dorothy Tagney?  Who is she?’

Lucy flapped a hand at him.  ‘I have  _ priorities, _ Rufus.  Dorothy Tagney was—will be—the first female senator for Australia.  She wins the Western Australia seat in 1943 after three unsuccessful campaigns, and holds it until 1968.  She was a teacher before getting into politics, and did a lot of work for underprivileged women and children.  As a senator she continues that work, campaigning for equal pay and opportunities for women, increased social services, and pensions for deserted wives and widows.  She was also responsible for the adoption of hospital benefits and pensions for the blind and patients with tuberculosis.’

‘Looks like we found our target.’  Flynn took off his hat and raked a hand through his hair.  ‘It'd be easy to shoot her and blame it on a stray bullet from the machine guns.  That's what I would do.’  At three unamused glares, he rolled his eyes.  ‘Not that I would, since I obviously don't do that kind of thing anymore.  Unless they're Rittenhouse, in which case they deserve what they get.’

‘Wait, so we're saying Rittenhouse's plot is to kill Dorothy?’   Rufus snorted.  ‘Wow, Emma really is the Wicked Witch of the West, isn't she?’

Lucy shook her head.  ‘Right. Flynn, Rufus, I think you two should steal a truck or something and see if you can find out how far away the emus are.  Jiya, let's tail Dorothy, just in case the Rittenhouse agent gets tired of waiting.’

‘How come I have to find the murder birds with the murder tree?’ Rufus demanded.

‘Because either one of you following a single woman around is liable to get you arrested or shot.’

Flynn clapped Rufus on the back.  ‘It'll be fun, Crocodile Hunter. A road trip into the bush, just like _ Mad Max. _ ’

‘That's what I'm afraid of.’  Rufus followed, still grumbling under his breath.

They were getting good at stealing cars, and soon they were barreling through the outback.  They hadn't left Campion very far behind when they passed their first emu.  Then another.  And another.

‘Flynn, stop the truck.’  As Flynn breaked, Rufus leaned out.  ‘You hear that?’

Flynn nodded.  ‘Is that thunder?  I thought the rain was done.’

Rufus squinted at the horizon, where a dark smudge was getting bigger.  ‘That's not thunder.  It's emus.  A _ lot _ of emus.’

Flynn slammed the truck into gear and threw it into a u-turn.  ‘I thought you said it was fifty emus!’ he yelled over the roar of the engine.

‘It _ was!’ _  Rufus had a death grip on his grab handle.  ‘Rittenhouse must have rounded up a few more!’

‘A _ few?’  _  Flynn glanced in the mirror.  ‘It's like the wildebeest stampede out there!’

Rufus gaped at him, almost forgetting to hang on.  ‘You know  _ Lion King?’ _

‘I had a five-year-old, Rufus.’  He swerved around a scrub bush, making Rufus yelp.  ‘I've probably seen it more than your have.’

They made it back to town just ahead of the hoard.  Flynn immediately started yelling at the soldiers.  It took precious minutes—and judicious application of Flynn's Murder Face—but they finally convinced the soldiers to move the trucks, forming a barrier to hopefully split the stampede around the town.

The first emus were dodging around the trucks as Flynn and Rufus raced into town, searching for Lucy and Jiya.

‘Flynn!  Rufus!’  Lucy's shout drew them to the schoolhouse, where she and Jiya waved from the doorway.  

‘There you are!  We were getting worried.’  Rufus ran up to Jiya, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her deeply.  Her squeak of surprise quickly faded into a contented hum as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

_ ‘You _ were worried?’  Lucy threw her arms around Flynn.  His hands hovered awkwardly for a moment before settling on her back.  ‘We heard shots!’

‘That's the army.’  Flynn's voice was a little more gravely than usual as he answered for both of them.  Rufus and Jiya still hadn't come up for air.  ‘The emus are here, and there's a lot more than we thought there were going to be.  Enough to trample this town right off the map.’

Lucy pulled back to look at him.  ‘Do we need to evacuate?  Is there even time?’

Flynn shook his head, lifting a hand almost absently to smooth her hair.  ‘Too late for that now, but we should be okay.  Rufus and I managed to get the army to set up a barrier, so most of the emus should go around.  I wouldn't be surprised if only the original fifty or so actually make it through.’

Rufus finally pulled away from Jiya.  ‘Did you know Flynn's seen _ Lion King? _  The mind boggles.’

Flynn rolled his eyes.  ‘Not really relevant, Rufus.  What about you?’ he asked Lucy.  ‘Did you and Jiya run into any trouble?’

Lucy grinned at Jiya.  ‘Nothing we couldn't handle.’

‘Dorothy's guarding Sergeant Wilkes in the back,’ Jiya said, nodding toward the building.  'He tried to jump us, but he chose poorly.’

‘Jiya picked up a lot of skills in Chinatown,’ Lucy added.  ‘Dorothy will hand the sergeant over to the authorities once the emus are gone.  We can head home as soon as the stampede is over.’

Flynn rested his forehead against Lucy's with a sigh.  ‘Good to know. I guess we're—’  A movement from the corner of his eye made him raise his head, just in time to see a large black emu charging straight at Lucy.  He pulled her behind him, drew back his arm, and punched the emu in the side of its head.  The bird staggered back, shaking its head before loping away.

‘That was insane, even for you, Flynn.’  Jiya’s voice was impressed.

He turned to Lucy.  ‘Did I hurt you?’

She shook her head.  ‘I can't believe you punched an emu for me.’

He huffed a laugh.  ‘I didn't exactly plan it, it was instinct, mostly—’

She grabbed his lapels and pulled his mouth down to hers, cutting him off.  He was much quicker to wrap his arms around her this time.  When they broke apart, she grinned at him.  ‘What do you say we finish this conversation at home?’

‘I... Yes.’  He ignored the way Rufus and Jiya were staring at them to focus on Lucy's smile.  ‘That sounds like an excellent idea.’

**Author's Note:**

> They get back to find that not only is there a sequence in the original Mad Max (who is now named after Flynn, apparently) where Max punches an emu, but there are emus or references to emus in every single Mad Max movie, including Fury Road.  
> Rufus thinks it's hilarious; Flynn decides it's better than being the villain in a Bond movie.
> 
> Merry Christmas, Timeless fam!


End file.
